She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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