I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
