Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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