This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
