Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
