Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We need to get me chipped asap
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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