I can't breathe out the right side of my face
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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