How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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