She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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