he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
