don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
