the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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