Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
