GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize