he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
