You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize