Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
