How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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