just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
