I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
