In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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