hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
