Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
