Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think my moral compass just broke
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