you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
