I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
