i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
