maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
