where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
