I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
