no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Randomize
