I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
