Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Welp...herpes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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