I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
