We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
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Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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