I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The Olympian is in my bed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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