And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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