If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
