I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
