If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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