He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
