You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
