The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
