More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
