I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
