the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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