i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
