I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
