this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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