im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
