ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
