He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
