do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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