I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
