tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just cropdusted the office
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
