he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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