Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
