You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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