Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
