I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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