You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
