come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
