this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
