What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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