You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
