My friends, they love my intelligence
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
