If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
